Psychoceramics...The Final Frontier

Time Travelers PLEASE HELP! 14993

The hostmaster at the ISP where I work gets this spam regularly. Needless to say, it's a welcome change from Penis Enlargement Mortgage Rate Sluts. The poor guy sounds desperate, so all you time travellers please lend a hand; all he needs is a red or blue glowing time warping moon crystal, or a Dimensional Warp Generator wrist watch (or similar technology).

UPDATE!: Now he's using a server colocated at the ISP I work for! Sorry, folks -- we're putting a stop to his spamming. But I have collected another sample for all y'all. His demands have increased: he now needs a "reliable carbon based, or silicon based time transducing capacitor". (Nov 12 2002)

SOOPERUPDATE!: He's looking for "a vendor who can offer immediate suply" of the "mind warper generation 4 Dimensional Warp Generator #52 4350a series wrist watch with z80 or better memory adapter". Get full details here courtesy of the ever-amazing tigress. (Aug 9 2003)

EVENMOREPLUSUPDATE!: He needs "a new DWG unit, preferably the rechargable AMD wrist watch model...with 512GB of SRAM." Full details here c/o the ever-lovin' Mustang Matt. (Aug 10 2003)

The Hong Kong in judiciary terror calls for your immediate attention!

More spam. I think there's something about a new invention that could stop Osama bin Laden from hijacking more planes. Lots about how bad the Hong Kong judicial system is, and even a number to call. Make a new friend in Hong Kong today!

Untitled Screenplay

Wow. I came across a laser-printed copy of this and scanned it in (OCRd, never fear). It's...profoundly strange. It's set in the old west, and is mostly about drug-dealing gays and lesbians, though that doesn't describe half of it. I'm really quite sad that I only have the first section of it.

The Ancient Order's Doctors, The Bessettes, and JFK, Jr.

"The 3 Bessette women together have `Laser-Ray' in their names....Many people who know about and use this Laser-Ray system do not know its true purpose." I picked this up in the U.S. in 1999 while travelling; can't remember exactly where, I'm afraid.

Midnight Eskimo

"goldless..MUD. GREY CUP." This person's flyers turn up pretty regularly in downtown Vancouver; keep your eye out if you're in the central library. Pretty much indescribable, not to mention unparseable. Some other examples:

• "Powergrab wrestling...LOST Eternity"
• "Cock's crow: Fallible Peter"
• "God does not just watch"
• "...is Spooks-heck ALL you know?"
• "Orbit into God's hand"
• "A poltergeist 'Alfonse' vs. His Peace..."

Yogic Flying

I'm surprised these guys call it flying...I seem to remember a lawsuit in the states against the Natural Law people -- someone said they were promised they'd be able to fly and they couldn't, so the name had to be changed to "yogic hopping". That said, I haven't been able to find anything about this on Google, so I may well be mistaken. Anyhow, the Natural Law Party of Canada ran in a federal election in the late 90s (can't remember the exact date, lazy bugger that I am); UBC is the University of British Columbia, in beautiful Vancouver, BC.

The Charter

"Ziegurts Volkenmaar, Prinz von Drachenburger-Regensbrandt, Coprporation Sole, derives its powers of existence from Our Creator, The Lord God Almighty, and The Lord and Saviour Jesus, the Christ." I think it's an attempt to get out of taxation...interesting, because there's not nearly as much of this sort of thing in Canada as there is in the USA.

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Last Days

"Eternal Hell-Fire is a long long time / Searing suffering unbearable eternal pain." Another regular in downtown Vancouver, the flyers of Jehovah Tsidkenu turn up regularly in newspaper boxes. Pretty coherent, if more than a little busy in the design.

Save us babies

This guy's stuff is showing up more and more often in downtown Vancouver. Watch for leaflets (maybe about gay support groups, or maybe just postcards advertising a fashion show like this one) stuffed into newspaper boxes, scribbled with diatribes against murderous gays and female cops who shoot people.

The Moral Factor

"Elvis Shrugged". Worthy for that alone. Found tacked to a telephone pole. "Elvis Shrugged" is a reference to Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, while Bored Of The Rings was, if memory serves, a Harvard Lampoon satire. Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, Holidays in Hell by P.J. O'Rourke and Sexual Personae by Camille Paglia (I think) are also real books. Not sure about the rest.

Dogs Driving

"They stink." Weird graffito I found on a bus stop bench one day. I was COMPELLED to record it for my many readers.

Lonely God

Not exactly psychoceramic, but damn amusing.

Spamburgers!

Again, picked up during travel in the USA. Again, not exactly psychoceramic. Again, what the hell.

"I want to Aardvark every sexy girl I see"

Dudley, you rascal!